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Working Mothers: What no one tells you

9/17/2020

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​Several decades ago when I decided that what was best for me as a mother, daughter, life-partner was to follow my career aspirations combined with raising a family,  I heard (and continue to hear) so much negative chatter about working mothers.  I never heard the positive side of making a decision that felt right for me and my circumstances.
 
Let’s be clear - I’m not advocating that how I approached the subject of work and family is the ’right way. I am, however, advocating that these are individual choices and there is no right or wrong. Life is complicated and a multitude of factors influence our happiness and ‘success’ (however we define that).
 
It’s important to set the context here. When we were raising a young family there were no smartphones, no Zoom, no decent internet connections. (And when I use the word ‘we’, I do mean we as my husband and I were equally involved and engaged.)  I recall on my third maternity leave even just trying to log onto the company system from home was a challenge – it was excruciatingly slow.
 
How I wish I had the opportunity to attend one of my kid’s sports games mid-week, and then log on and finish my work at home. This was simply not an option.  Furthermore, although there were a few brave women who had decided to work part-time in the companies I worked for, it was really a ‘kiss of death’ career-wise. Although we’re not there yet, I do think, especially in light of COVID-19, that working virtually and flexibly is gaining acceptance as an alternative way of progressing your career.
 
The thing that no one told me about my choices is that by creating a  ‘home team’ you’re effectively creating an extension of your family. This is especially the case when it comes to childcare, whether that be childminders, nannies or day-care staff.  Case in point is ‘Nanny J’ who recently passed away and was an integral part of our family as our two older kids were growing up.  Nanny J was a full member of that ‘home team’ for many years and her care, commitment and trustworthiness were critical to our family thriving personally and professionally. And even many years after her retirement, we remained close.
 
At no point did I feel we were ‘pawning off’ our children to someone else. Nanny J and I acted as a team. As the mum, I set the ground rules. However, whenever the kids ran to me to complain about this or that constraint which Nanny J had placed on them, my instinct was to confirm her authority in making the decisions she saw fit.  Nanny J and I had an understanding.
 
While I was committed to coming home at a certain time every evening, emergencies did pop up. I respected her time so tried to even things out in other ways.  It was a successful partnership.  While I taught Nanny J how to hold others accountable (the gas company, the clothing shop, the house cleaner etc), Nanny J shared her wisdom in helping our children cope with school and all the rest! Her suggestion to take food in the car when she was picking up our son was a game-changer. His irritable moods after school quickly dissipated.
 
Instead of feeling like I ‘lost’ something by having extended our ‘home team’ beyond me and my husband, I feel that the entire family gained something special by welcoming others into our home.  The extended ‘home team’ helped create a healthy, happy environment in which each of us could grow, learn and develop. We could not have created this environment on our own.  Thank you Nanny J – you enriched our lives in a way no one told us you could and we will miss your warmth, kindness and generosity of heart and the investment you made in each of us.

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Author Story interviews Christine Brown-Quinn

6/19/2020

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Fun conversation with Alexander Lim of Author Story talking about the backstory to Unlock Your Career Success: Knowing the Unwritten Rules Changes Everything  & why I decided to launch The Female Capitalist®

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The Truth About Working Mums

3/15/2015

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5 Key Truths About Career AND Family

11/7/2013

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1. Career AND Family are COMPLEMENTARY rather than in conflict. Combining career with family forces balance. It allows you to bring freshness, energy and vigor to both worlds. The skills to be successful in the professional world are identical to those needed at home.

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Why being fit is good for your career

7/13/2012

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What better time to think about looking after yourself as the Olympics nudge closer.
How can you escape thinking about your own fitness, when everywhere you turn someone is talking about the upcoming Games?

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I Don’t Know How She Does It – The 5 Part Blog Series

5/28/2012

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Just in case you missed the 5 part series on the film I Don’t Know How She Does It, here’s the recap:

Part 1:  Sinking Superwoman, learning that OK is good enough
Part 2 : Supermanage your childcare
Part 3:  Getting to grips with the guilt trip
Part 4:  Work-life balance – is it a pipe dream for professional women
Part 5:  Investing in your partner is good parenting
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Investing in your partner is good parenting – Part of 5 of 5 Series I Don’t Know How She Does It

5/20/2012

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We often think that when the focus isn’t directly on our kids that somehow they are losing out. And if they’re old enough to talk, they’ll certainly tell you that that’s the case… When we’re at work and they’re at home, they lose out. When we’re out in the evening at seminar/night class and they’re at home, they’re missing out.

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Is Work-Life Balance a Pipe Dream for Professional Women - Part 4 of a 5 Part Series

4/4/2012

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If you looked up to working mom Kate Redding as a role model, (Kate is played by Sarah Jessica Parker in the film I don’t know how she does it), I suspect you’d come to the conclusion that work-life balance is a pipe dream. Kate does a fantastic job taking on responsibility for everything and everyone, leaving little time to do anything for herself. Just watching the film tired me out!  But does it have to be that way? Are there no alternatives if you decide on a career AND a family?

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Getting to Grips with the Guilt Trip - Part 3 of a 5 Part Series

3/9/2012

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How can you possibly have a career and a personal life and not feel guilty that someone is getting short changed?  Is it a no win situation which just can’t be resolved?  Sorry for the cliche, but it’s actually a win-win situation.

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I Don’t Know How She Does It – Part 2 of a 5 Part Series

12/1/2011

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Super Manage Your Childcare – My Top 3 Tips

In Part 1 of this series I talked about how you need to stop trying to be Superwoman – learn to let go (stop micromanaging!) and give others a chance to grow and develop both at home and at work. Let’s take a closer look at how this applies when it comes to looking after your kids.

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