​Several decades ago when I decided that what was best for me as a mother, daughter, life-partner was to follow my career aspirations combined with raising a family,  I heard (and continue to hear) so much negative chatter about working mothers.  I never heard the positive side of making a decision that felt right for me and my circumstances.
 
Let’s be clear - I’m not advocating that how I approached the subject of work and family is the ’right way. I am, however, advocating that these are individual choices and there is no right or wrong. Life is complicated and a multitude of factors influence our happiness and ‘success’ (however we define that).
 
It’s important to set the context here. When we were raising a young family there were no smartphones, no Zoom, no decent internet connections. (And when I use the word ‘we’, I do mean we as my husband and I were equally involved and engaged.)  I recall on my third maternity leave even just trying to log onto the company system from home was a challenge – it was excruciatingly slow.
 
How I wish I had the opportunity to attend one of my kid’s sports games mid-week, and then log on and finish my work at home. This was simply not an option.  Furthermore, although there were a few brave women who had decided to work part-time in the companies I worked for, it was really a ‘kiss of death’ career-wise. Although we’re not there yet, I do think, especially in light of COVID-19, that working virtually and flexibly is gaining acceptance as an alternative way of progressing your career.
 
The thing that no one told me about my choices is that by creating a  ‘home team’ you’re effectively creating an extension of your family. This is especially the case when it comes to childcare, whether that be childminders, nannies or day-care staff.  Case in point is ‘Nanny J’ who recently passed away and was an integral part of our family as our two older kids were growing up.  Nanny J was a full member of that ‘home team’ for many years and her care, commitment and trustworthiness were critical to our family thriving personally and professionally. And even many years after her retirement, we remained close.
 
At no point did I feel we were ‘pawning off’ our children to someone else. Nanny J and I acted as a team. As the mum, I set the ground rules. However, whenever the kids ran to me to complain about this or that constraint which Nanny J had placed on them, my instinct was to confirm her authority in making the decisions she saw fit.  Nanny J and I had an understanding.
 
While I was committed to coming home at a certain time every evening, emergencies did pop up. I respected her time so tried to even things out in other ways.  It was a successful partnership.  While I taught Nanny J how to hold others accountable (the gas company, the clothing shop, the house cleaner etc), Nanny J shared her wisdom in helping our children cope with school and all the rest! Her suggestion to take food in the car when she was picking up our son was a game-changer. His irritable moods after school quickly dissipated.
 
Instead of feeling like I ‘lost’ something by having extended our ‘home team’ beyond me and my husband, I feel that the entire family gained something special by welcoming others into our home.  The extended ‘home team’ helped create a healthy, happy environment in which each of us could grow, learn and develop. We could not have created this environment on our own.  Thank you Nanny J – you enriched our lives in a way no one told us you could and we will miss your warmth, kindness and generosity of heart and the investment you made in each of us.

For all those celebrating American Mothers’ Day on the 8th of May, remember not to take out the “Mother” out of Working Mothers.  Dads don’t lose their fatherhood when they work.  Why should working mothers lose their motherhood, especially when they are still picking up most of the responsibilities at home in addition to being breadwinners?

Working mothers make children fat. Here we go again.

It was part of a recent media campaign in the UK launched to demonstrate the power of advertising. Manywomen’s groups were outraged and the ad was quickly withdrawn – and rightly so.

Why does the media have to pick on working mothers? “Many children have paid a price for the rise of two-income households,” says The Economist. There’s no mention of course of the multitude of households that have BENEFITTED as a result of greater financial security and increased happiness of the family unit. It’s no wonder why so many career women feel guilty about working! Where are all the POSITIVE messages about the many ADVANTAGES of combining career and family?

The question often asked is “should mothers work” and “what’s best for the kids? “ If life were only that simple. Family dynamics are complicated. Children are happy, when the family unit is happy. That happiness is individual and unique – one size doesn’t fit all. The definition of happiness also changes as life changes – businesses change, kids change, and your goals and aspirations change as you get older.

No matter what you decide, be confident in your decisions about the shape of your career-family lifestyle. There is no need for a guilt trip! While kids do need love, attention, encouragement and guidance, having a career doesn’t preclude a mother or father from providing any of these building blocks needed to raise good kids. In fact, I would argue that a career is a great training ground for improving key parenting skills – communication, conflict management, and commitment to name a few.

We often forget how much children learn by watching – and they do watch every move! It’s one of the key ways they learn about the world. Many career women have seen how their children learn to be independent. They learn to problem solve – a parent is not always around to sort things out. They learn social skills as they are often required to integrate with other adults and children in a variety of settings.

Children learn teamwork. They see mothers, fathers, grandparents, childcare providers work as a strong team, enabling parents to juggle the demands of work and family. My complete list of the many benefits that working mothers offer their families (and businesses) is too long to include in a blog. Suffice it to say, “Career Women Make BRILLIANT Mothers!”